DelusionalPoet

I love you No, really, I just don't want you to hurt But really, I just don't want to hurt Because if you'd hurt, you'd hurt me Not because of some selfless illusion I constructed as selfish delusion But because your hurting would mean That my love is just a hopeless dream A hapless scream, That'd hurt you. And you'd regret the day we met For I was such a good friend That you had hurt well past the end You wouldn't see That the one to blame was me For I was the one who refused to see That my love for you Is not a love for two And your love for two Does not include us two

You took me along to your wonderland And I took a stand, and took your hand For eons of wandering had me wondering Whether this could be a thing to remember Empathetic, funny and so damn clever Always open to another endeavor As my heart fluttered, my soul, it shuddered For I knew of the one, the one that won Your heart as it raced and took up the space I wished to be mine, I wished to be fine With the fact that you were too damn perfect And I was not good enough. But, as you remember, I'm not one to surrender, Not broken up, I opened up Put all my flaws in the limelight As I fought, for naught, a lost fight Hell-bent to show you what it meant For us to be together, in this forever Like the person I wish I could be What became of us? I shouldn't say For as hard as try I can't help but lie And as you remember, I actually am one to surrender.

I long for people. I long for deep, meaningful interhuman connections. I long for friends I trust, friends that are so much more than friends, And so much more than family is able to describe. I long for a relationship full of love, A relationship in which every second spent feels whole, And every second spent is a second gained. I long to go out and meet new people Because there's limitless potential in everyone And I want to see as much as I'm able to. But I'm scared of going out. Even traveling by bus or train, Being in close proximity with people, I tremble, I choke and, in the end, I run away. I'm terrified of talking to people I feel like every word I speak is being judged, Just waiting for a mistake so they can tear me apart. I shudder at the thought of physical contact Our shoulders touching burns like hell, And hugs feel like I'm being strangled. I am a contradiction. I do not make sense. I am a mess, I am a fuck-up, And honestly